Today, there is no room for worthlessness

Mark Nepo is one of my favorite philosophers, poets, writers, and he happens to be an all-around great guy.  I have been reading his book - The Book of Awakening - since I discovered it five years ago.  It fills my spirit each and every time that I read it.  And, I learn something each time I read it.

In his reflection on June 15, it feels like I am right there with him as he reflects on how he used to struggle with the challenges of life and then realizing with great joy, that life is perfect in the moment he is living as a man running on the streets of New York City and grabbing a hot dog for lunch.

I really got to thinking about that passage of thought as I navigate a bit of grief over the transition of leaving a job that I have been so proud to do for the past three years.  And it is grief, I'm not going to kid myself.  I know the last day on the job is going to be a tough one and I have made a note to do some really comforting things for myself that weekend.

The roller-coaster that is Life is one heck of a ride. One part excitement to check out a new adventure and one part freaking out because my job ends on August 2.  I don't want to be someone who lives a life within the margins.  I don't believe I ever did want that kind of life experience.  There are days when you are stuck in the muck of living and days you soar in current of freedom.  What a privilege!

There a days to wallow and there are days to fly.  I think I will strive to take flight.

Secret of Life #06112019

Making the Leap #2

I've come to discover that life is often like a roller-coaster, or in a more accurate case, like the unpredictable spring weather in Rhode Island circa 2019. A couple of days ago, I almost turned on the heat because it was so cold and today, I may need to turn on my air conditioner because it is hitting about 80 degrees with what feels like 80% humidity.

I've settled in nicely in my new home in New England, and now the next big thing that demands my attention: what will be my next professional adventure? Earlier this month, I shared some of my insights as far as my thoughts on the matter, and today, I share another big decision with you:. I've decided to pursue growing my own small business of providing support on content creation.

First and foremost, I thank my dear friend, Shari Getz,  for inspiring me and urging me to take this leap. Shari has been an entrepreneur/business owner for many many years now. I often envied her courage to pursue that professional adventure, and of late, we have been talking about my doing the same. There is nothing more powerful and motivating than having a cheerleader like Shari.

I got to say, this was no easy decision!  I've been doing all kinds of side hustles over the years but never considered focusing my energy on growing a business from those efforts. For the past, I don't know, two decades I've always toyed with the idea of stepping out on my own, but lacked resources and confidence to pursue it. But now I'm at a place in my life where I do recognize the resources I do have access to in order to go for it.

I also want to thank Sally Handlon for our conversation today that helped me make this final decision to pursue this long-simmering dream to be a business owner.

I've been busy making new friends and building a new professional network here in Providence, and in the last few weeks, have submitted job applications for a variety of fundraising positions with some fantastic nonprofits in the area. But a variety of things have come up for me that caused me to pause and really look at all my options. I have come to the determination that I can better serve this important sector of community work by providing my guidance and support using my plethora of knowledge and expertise in pretty much all areas of the nonprofit world.

So, there you have it, my friends. If you have words of encouragement and ideas to access helpful resources, please send them my way by posting a comment below.  It will help me, tremendously.

Let the adventure begin!



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Failing Towards Happiness

I have a new BFF, although she doesn't know it yet.  I learned about the powerhouse that is Rachel Hollis somehow, someway, but I can't recall the initial introduction to her work in the world.

Most excellent podcast!

I put her book, "Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be", on hold at the library and once I received it,  I think I read in about 3 hours, tops.  I am now listening to her podcast, "Rise", and just listened to her episode about failure.  I am sure I will re-listen to it at least 37 more times because it is the elephant in my room these days.

I also watched a Tedx talk by Natalie Butto Wills about how problems fuel our creativity that leads to innovation.  I consider failure a bit of a problem, so I am getting creative about it!

Here's why.

As many of you know, I took big risk of moving to Providence, RI - sight unseen - and it has been an epic adventure over the past 7+ months.  I know I am still new to the city (and likely will be considered as such for at least the next ten years), but I feel that I have found my people and the vibe of the city resonates with me.

Me and Liam hitting the road

What I now face has to do with my livelihood (aka getting a new job).  This is a big one for me because of some real obvious reasons...I need to eat, pay my rent...that important stuff.  I also attach my professional life to my identity (or, vice versa).  It is as tightly wedged in there as how I feel about my place in the world as a mother, a friend, and being an entrepreneur (*).

I've been telecommuting for my job that I held in Portland, Oregon and although it makes sense to transition out of it for many wise reasons, I have attached a great deal of anxiety and fear about making that particular change in my life.  You know how it rolls, that damn Negative Nellie who won't. stop. nagging.

"You are way too old."
"No one is interested in what you have to offer."
"No one knows you, so good luck with that."
"You don't have a degree, so you aren't good enough."

Crap like that.

I have started the process of finding 'traditional' employment in my field of fundraising and communications for non-profits - I am good at it, so why not?  But on the other hand, I am also working on developing my side hustle of being a content creator for websites, social media, and podcast production.

A really scary idea: launch my own business.  For reals.  Yikes.

But I have a few cheerleaders on my side of the field.  Not only Rachel, but also my pal, Shari. She is inspirational in so many ways, but in the case of this post, she has lived the life of a successful entrepreneur (own it, sister) for about a decade.  We have been supporting each, most recently, as accountability partners and she has been nudging me to jump into the pool of such risk-taking with both feet.

I don't know where this is going and that is totally fine. (Right, Rachel?) I am sharing this with you, dear reader, with hopes you will be motivated to find your tribe to help you find your truth because you gotta find those people who speak your language of intention to help you on your journey.  I don't believe it is a solo trip although there are moments when you must stand on your own two feet even if they are wobbly.

So the lesson learned today: I am failing my way to happiness because it is the true success in living directly. Who's with me?

(*)  I've decided to get public about that reality.  I am an entrepreneur and have been for years but didn't recognize/acknowledge it.  Thanks to those people who have helped me own it - you know who you are. 💓

Out of the fear comes...

An interesting switching of gears these past few days.  I don't know what the triggers have been to choose this path of darker reflections.  Perhaps I  have been spending too much time on social media and reading the wrong headlines in the news!

Out of fear and anxiety comes loving, caring gestures.  That's how I like to see it.  When you put vulnerable self out there and people respond with caring words and acts, it is a reminder of the goodness that can be found in humanity.

It is a demonstration of love to be direct about it.  Every act - whether small or over the top - is an act of love when the intention comes from a loving heart.

I wrestled with buried anxiety this past week - stuff that I thought was long gone.  And when it came back up, the voice of loving reason was LOUDER than the voice of fear.  This, my friend, is a really good thing.

I am dedicated to the belief and practice that love will conquer all.  I will stand by that value and continue to walk that talk as often as I can.

Love wins. Always.

Love & Loneliness

There's a loneliness that can creep up on me when I least expect it.  I live alone in a city that is new to me, so there's no wonder it sneaks up on me.  It feels bigger than life sometimes when I am ill or when I feel afraid.

I admit, it is difficult to see the love in those kinds of moments.  But love - like the moon and the sun - is always present even if you can't see it.  My daughter is several hundred miles away but I can feel her love because it is ever-present and part of me.

I suppose self-love is also about welcoming the 'scaries' in some capacity because that kind of stuff lingers as much as joy can fill the air.  It is all about the ebb and flow of grieving and of celebration. It is the human experience.

It is comforting to constantly reminding myself that this, too, shall pass...whatever 'this' is in the moment....and also know that love is my rock-solid foundation and will help keep my face in the sun.

Negative Nellie & Little Miss Susie Sunshine

How do you balance love of a friend and the need to share something that most likely will be unpleasant with someone you care for? I know that I have languished in a dark place or two due to many reasons over the years - and it is necessary to visit that space - but what to do when you a think a friend keeps returning to the Hole of Despair and almost embraces it like a long lost friend?

Do I give her the space to be in that frame of mind and just "be there" for when she emerges on the other side? Or, is it part of my loving kindness to call it out in the open? This is something I think about often. I struggle with my need to 'fix it' but on the other side of it, I want to look a positive ways to tackle life challenges. Is it a one-size-fits-all approach? Unlikely. I suppose the best approach would be to bring it up and see where the conversation goes but that is being vulnerable (aka dang scary).

I thinking of times in the past when I shared fears and anxiety about how I was feeling in a friendship and then, it seemed like the person disappeared in few weeks. I've been reluctant to give it a go as a result, but then again, I want strive to be my true self when it comes to my close relationships.

The conundrum!
The quandary!

I'm going to sit on this for a bit and I'll get back to you about how it all turned out.

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