I'm Having a Baby!

Not really but I have been dreaming of being pregnant, giving birth, or finding babies for the past few weeks.  I know enough to understand that dream symbols are what you make of them, but I was perplexed. Was I wanting another kid? Nope. After the third dream, I decided to look it up and had an 'ah ha!' moment of excited understanding:

"To see a baby in your dream signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings.  If you dream that the baby is smiling at you, then it suggests that you are experiencing pure joy. You do not ask for much to make you happy. If you find a baby in your dream, then it suggests that you have acknowledged your hidden potential..."

"A dream about giving birth is usually a pretty straight-forward metaphor — you're starting a new life phase, or making a fresh start in some capacity..." 

"You found a baby! Which means that you're making peace with the idea of accepting your own hidden potential and talents..."

"Pregnancy in a dream can usually be connected to something in your waking life that is in the development phase,".... Life changes like setting out to earn a degree, beginning a new career or relationship, or starting a big project can often trigger these dreams — "something that is currently growing and will eventually result in 'a new life' for you."

Well, here's the big reveal:  I am starting a new phase in my life....as a business owner!  For years, I have wanted to be my own boss and be responsible for doing good work based on my values and my vision, but the time never seem to be right.

Earlier in the year, I started job seeking and soon after, I started having dreams of a different kind: that I was going to prison. Now, I do not need to look up what that could mean.  It was as clear as day: I couldn't dream of continuing my work as a fundraiser for a nonprofit.  I'll cover that matter in depth in a future post at some point, but basically, my heart wasn't in it anymore.  I love the skills involved in fundraising and communications. I love the development of strategies to be as functional as you can be with limited resources.  But my role as a development director was just not going to cut it.  I wanted to take my expertise and experiences to another level to help out nonprofits. I also spotted a need for owners of small businesses needing some basic digital presence support.

My dear pal, Shari, and I are accountability partners. She is one of my most brilliantly creative people I know and she has been urging me to strike out on my own for years.  I decided that now is the time for me to be a #GirlBoss and I have launched CTD Creative Consulting LLC.  I provide content creation support and capacity building strategies for small business owners, as well as, nonprofit organizations. I am working with a few clients right now on website content management, marketing strategy, blogging, social media management and board development.

Pinch me.  I love it!

I am also working with a SCORE mentor who has been a great resource of business wisdom and also a fantastic coach. (Thank you, Rochelle!) The service offers the mentor program, training, and access to other resources. I even opened an actual bank account and printed business cards.  This is real, people!

 

Starting a business is no easy task and I would be lying if I told you I haven't struggled with anxiety, fear of failure, self-doubt...did I mention fear?  I have the emotional support that helps me navigate those dips in my friends and my mentor.  I also have taken up some new habits that have made a world of difference, thanks to the wisdom of Rachel Hollis. She produces a podcast that is chock full of good things and resources that run the gamut of every topic around entrepreneurship.

For example, her Five to Thrive habits are now part of my daily life...fifteen days and counting. She also wrote two books that were awfully helpful in getting my head wrapped around some of my 'stuff'.  I highly recommend both her podcast and books! I have felt an immediate difference in how I feel both physically and emotionally since setting up those intentions.  I have struggled with depression in the past and uncertain times are a typical trigger for me, but I am taking care of myself by using these new habits and being more thoughtful when the inevitable 'scaries' come to mind.

So, this is my announcement to the world that I've got this.  I am super excited and can't wait to keep you posted on the developments of this new professional direction that I am taking. If you have any words of encouragement, please share them in the comments below because I can use their magic as I move forward with this dream.  Thank you!

Resources

• http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/b.htm 

• https://www.bustle.com/articles/91968-what-do-dreams-about-babies-mean-the-real-meanings-behind-9-common-baby-dreams

• https://www.bustle.com/p/what-do-dreams-about-pregnancy-mean-when-youre-not-pregnant-7143511

Let's Make Lemonade

One of my favorite summertime drinks is lemonade.  You take something that is awfully sour and turn it into something sweet.  You can even jazz it up with some ingredients like lavender or liquor.  What a beautifully versatile drink.

I think lemonade and life have a lot in common:  You can change it up depending on what you add to it or keep it just as it is.  I am the type of gal who likes to mix it up, I've come to learn.  But with anything out of the familiar, it is a risk, and risk-taking can provide some big wins or big losses.

When I was younger, I wasn't as cautious about a lot of things.  I think that is the case for many of us.  We learn to be fearful as we grow older and I lost my optimism and throw-caution-to-the-wind attitude over the years.  Many people who know me would gasp at such a reflection but I struggled for many years trying to regain an inner sense of my can-do attitude.  

It took a lot of work over a period of time, but I got my groove back.  It is how I moved across the country to a city I've never been to; how I followed my passion to produce a podcast about the arts and find some funding to help support it; it is how I committed to writing a book for women over 40 who think the world can go eff itself for thinking it can pretend we don't exist or matter.  

One of my always present intentions is to make choices that make me proud but also my daughter proud.  A lesson or nugget of wisdom I hope to share with her is to dream big and go for it.

Over the past year or so, I have made it a point to welcome failure as one of the realities to embrace.  No one I know likes that "F" word.  With baby steps, I have been pausing to look at what didn't work and find the wisdom I can carry forward from the experience. And it is due to that shift in perspective that has led me to pursue something I have wanted to do for eons but lacked the confidence to do it: launch my own business!

After years in the nonprofit sector, I've learned a thing or two, and the knowledge applies in any part of the country.  I am taking my two decades plus of across-the-board experience and offering it to organizations who want to raise the bar on getting their message out into the world.  All nonprofits want to do that but lack the capacity to do it.  My role is focusing support for those who lack the resources.

More to come later!  I have a plethora of skills that came out of success and failure.  I remind myself that we have to fail in order to learn.

I'm failing my way to happiness.

Boosters or Busters

I just finished reading the book - Brave, Not Perfect - and the timing was perfect (as all gifts from the Universe typically are, yes?). I was thinking about my self-confidence over the past few weeks as I transition into my next Big Adventure (more on that in another future post).

I had recent conversations with two people who I happen to be very close with.  In the first chat, I was sharing how confident I was feeling of late around my leadership skills.  I don't recall the particular details of what I was expressing, admittedly, but what I do remember was the person I was talking said something to the effect, 'well, don't forget about your bossy behavior.' If you have been reading my blog, you might recall some feelings I have about the "B-word" via my little rant about being called a bossy cow.

Needless to say, I was pissed off by that comment.

Later, in another conversation, I was sharing my insights about another set of skills that I am good at and I was told, 'you sure know how to brag'.

What gives? Is it not possible for a woman to be confident and vocal about her abilities?  I mean, I've never heard a guy called 'bossy' and I hear plenty of them telling the world - and anyone who is willing to listen- how good they are at...everything.

I am proud that I moved cross country, uncertain of what lay in waiting; I feel mighty good about taking last night's a baking class AND without taking a friend in tow; I feel good about letting my sparkle shine on my head (my natural hair color is now bright white).

These are just some of my recent accomplishments that I feel really good about.

I also have noticed for a very long time, the rarity of people giving each other public shout outs on social media.  I practice 'amplification' of women's accomplishments on Facebook and LinkedIn as often as I can.  Wouldn't it be something if more people did that?  I mean, what would the harm be?  There are plenty posts about complaining.  What if we posted a compliment instead? Okay, will it fix all the problems in the world? Not exactly. It is based in kindness and being kind can go a long way. But if you can rally to the occasion, the least you can do is not say something hurtful.  Deal?

And, if I happen to pass by you in conversation and you are sharing some insights about your talents, please be sure to put your hand out ... so I can give you a high five.

via GIPHY

Today, there is no room for worthlessness

Mark Nepo is one of my favorite philosophers, poets, writers, and he happens to be an all-around great guy.  I have been reading his book - The Book of Awakening - since I discovered it five years ago.  It fills my spirit each and every time that I read it.  And, I learn something each time I read it.

In his reflection on June 15, it feels like I am right there with him as he reflects on how he used to struggle with the challenges of life and then realizing with great joy, that life is perfect in the moment he is living as a man running on the streets of New York City and grabbing a hot dog for lunch.

I really got to thinking about that passage of thought as I navigate a bit of grief over the transition of leaving a job that I have been so proud to do for the past three years.  And it is grief, I'm not going to kid myself.  I know the last day on the job is going to be a tough one and I have made a note to do some really comforting things for myself that weekend.

The roller-coaster that is Life is one heck of a ride. One part excitement to check out a new adventure and one part freaking out because my job ends on August 2.  I don't want to be someone who lives a life within the margins.  I don't believe I ever did want that kind of life experience.  There are days when you are stuck in the muck of living and days you soar in current of freedom.  What a privilege!

There a days to wallow and there are days to fly.  I think I will strive to take flight.