I'm Having a Baby!

Not really but I have been dreaming of being pregnant, giving birth, or finding babies for the past few weeks.  I know enough to understand that dream symbols are what you make of them, but I was perplexed. Was I wanting another kid? Nope. After the third dream, I decided to look it up and had an 'ah ha!' moment of excited understanding:

"To see a baby in your dream signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings.  If you dream that the baby is smiling at you, then it suggests that you are experiencing pure joy. You do not ask for much to make you happy. If you find a baby in your dream, then it suggests that you have acknowledged your hidden potential..."

"A dream about giving birth is usually a pretty straight-forward metaphor — you're starting a new life phase, or making a fresh start in some capacity..." 

"You found a baby! Which means that you're making peace with the idea of accepting your own hidden potential and talents..."

"Pregnancy in a dream can usually be connected to something in your waking life that is in the development phase,".... Life changes like setting out to earn a degree, beginning a new career or relationship, or starting a big project can often trigger these dreams — "something that is currently growing and will eventually result in 'a new life' for you."

Well, here's the big reveal:  I am starting a new phase in my life....as a business owner!  For years, I have wanted to be my own boss and be responsible for doing good work based on my values and my vision, but the time never seem to be right.

Earlier in the year, I started job seeking and soon after, I started having dreams of a different kind: that I was going to prison. Now, I do not need to look up what that could mean.  It was as clear as day: I couldn't dream of continuing my work as a fundraiser for a nonprofit.  I'll cover that matter in depth in a future post at some point, but basically, my heart wasn't in it anymore.  I love the skills involved in fundraising and communications. I love the development of strategies to be as functional as you can be with limited resources.  But my role as a development director was just not going to cut it.  I wanted to take my expertise and experiences to another level to help out nonprofits. I also spotted a need for owners of small businesses needing some basic digital presence support.

My dear pal, Shari, and I are accountability partners. She is one of my most brilliantly creative people I know and she has been urging me to strike out on my own for years.  I decided that now is the time for me to be a #GirlBoss and I have launched CTD Creative Consulting LLC.  I provide content creation support and capacity building strategies for small business owners, as well as, nonprofit organizations. I am working with a few clients right now on website content management, marketing strategy, blogging, social media management and board development.

Pinch me.  I love it!

I am also working with a SCORE mentor who has been a great resource of business wisdom and also a fantastic coach. (Thank you, Rochelle!) The service offers the mentor program, training, and access to other resources. I even opened an actual bank account and printed business cards.  This is real, people!

 

Starting a business is no easy task and I would be lying if I told you I haven't struggled with anxiety, fear of failure, self-doubt...did I mention fear?  I have the emotional support that helps me navigate those dips in my friends and my mentor.  I also have taken up some new habits that have made a world of difference, thanks to the wisdom of Rachel Hollis. She produces a podcast that is chock full of good things and resources that run the gamut of every topic around entrepreneurship.

For example, her Five to Thrive habits are now part of my daily life...fifteen days and counting. She also wrote two books that were awfully helpful in getting my head wrapped around some of my 'stuff'.  I highly recommend both her podcast and books! I have felt an immediate difference in how I feel both physically and emotionally since setting up those intentions.  I have struggled with depression in the past and uncertain times are a typical trigger for me, but I am taking care of myself by using these new habits and being more thoughtful when the inevitable 'scaries' come to mind.

So, this is my announcement to the world that I've got this.  I am super excited and can't wait to keep you posted on the developments of this new professional direction that I am taking. If you have any words of encouragement, please share them in the comments below because I can use their magic as I move forward with this dream.  Thank you!

Resources

• http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/b.htm 

• https://www.bustle.com/articles/91968-what-do-dreams-about-babies-mean-the-real-meanings-behind-9-common-baby-dreams

• https://www.bustle.com/p/what-do-dreams-about-pregnancy-mean-when-youre-not-pregnant-7143511

Failing Towards Happiness

I have a new BFF, although she doesn't know it yet.  I learned about the powerhouse that is Rachel Hollis somehow, someway, but I can't recall the initial introduction to her work in the world.

Most excellent podcast!

I put her book, "Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be", on hold at the library and once I received it,  I think I read in about 3 hours, tops.  I am now listening to her podcast, "Rise", and just listened to her episode about failure.  I am sure I will re-listen to it at least 37 more times because it is the elephant in my room these days.

I also watched a Tedx talk by Natalie Butto Wills about how problems fuel our creativity that leads to innovation.  I consider failure a bit of a problem, so I am getting creative about it!

Here's why.

As many of you know, I took big risk of moving to Providence, RI - sight unseen - and it has been an epic adventure over the past 7+ months.  I know I am still new to the city (and likely will be considered as such for at least the next ten years), but I feel that I have found my people and the vibe of the city resonates with me.

Me and Liam hitting the road

What I now face has to do with my livelihood (aka getting a new job).  This is a big one for me because of some real obvious reasons...I need to eat, pay my rent...that important stuff.  I also attach my professional life to my identity (or, vice versa).  It is as tightly wedged in there as how I feel about my place in the world as a mother, a friend, and being an entrepreneur (*).

I've been telecommuting for my job that I held in Portland, Oregon and although it makes sense to transition out of it for many wise reasons, I have attached a great deal of anxiety and fear about making that particular change in my life.  You know how it rolls, that damn Negative Nellie who won't. stop. nagging.

"You are way too old."
"No one is interested in what you have to offer."
"No one knows you, so good luck with that."
"You don't have a degree, so you aren't good enough."

Crap like that.

I have started the process of finding 'traditional' employment in my field of fundraising and communications for non-profits - I am good at it, so why not?  But on the other hand, I am also working on developing my side hustle of being a content creator for websites, social media, and podcast production.

A really scary idea: launch my own business.  For reals.  Yikes.

But I have a few cheerleaders on my side of the field.  Not only Rachel, but also my pal, Shari. She is inspirational in so many ways, but in the case of this post, she has lived the life of a successful entrepreneur (own it, sister) for about a decade.  We have been supporting each, most recently, as accountability partners and she has been nudging me to jump into the pool of such risk-taking with both feet.

I don't know where this is going and that is totally fine. (Right, Rachel?) I am sharing this with you, dear reader, with hopes you will be motivated to find your tribe to help you find your truth because you gotta find those people who speak your language of intention to help you on your journey.  I don't believe it is a solo trip although there are moments when you must stand on your own two feet even if they are wobbly.

So the lesson learned today: I am failing my way to happiness because it is the true success in living directly. Who's with me?

(*)  I've decided to get public about that reality.  I am an entrepreneur and have been for years but didn't recognize/acknowledge it.  Thanks to those people who have helped me own it - you know who you are. 💓